Head of School's Message: March 30

“In ordinary circumstances, I worry about people who live in virtual cocoons, always staring at screens, devoid of regular, real human contact.” wrote columnist Nita Lelyveld in Saturday’s LA Times
“In ordinary circumstances, I worry about people who live in virtual cocoons, always staring at screens, devoid of regular, real human contact.” wrote columnist Nita Lelyveld in Saturday’s LA Times, “ But right now I am grateful that technology allows us to easily huddle together while also safely staying apart.” 
 
All of us can relate to that sentiment.
 
Many parents have expressed concerns about screen time during the closure, and you’re right to do so as everyone seeks a balance, but the students need to stay connected with each other and with their teachers. As local psychologist Enrico Gnaulati is fond of saying, sometimes parents need to numb themselves to the anxiety they feel about the amount of time their kids spend in front of a screen.
 
In her talks to parents on Thursday, Adrienne Hollingsworth encouraged us to understand where the kids are in their thinking and to validate how they are feeling. “When kids don’t feel seen and heard, that’s when they start separating from us,” she said. “Don’t tell them to suck it up. That only serves to amp their anxiety. Kids learn emotional regulation from us. If we take good care of ourselves, the kids will imitate us.” Adrienne reminded Chandler parents that every family will make choices about how to care for each other, and no one has a monopoly on the best tactics. “Steer away from command and demand and move to a more collaborative style at home,” she advised. “Allow your kids some agency. ‘Because I said so’ doesn’t help. Take time to explain the ‘why.’” 
 
We will be scheduling more talks with Adrienne after Spring Break.
 
Chandler teachers led by Jill Bergeron and Emily Brown have done a remarkable job establishing ‘Chandler-at-Home.’ The program will become even more refined as time goes by. I know that you trust Chandler’s administrators and faculty to act in the best interests of all the children, but your feedback is immensely helpful to the school. Please let us know how it’s going at home.
 
“I want the students to feel connected to me rather than just giving them a list of things to do,” said one of our teachers on Friday, “I want each of them to be happy, safe and involved. I love those kids.” That’s another sentiment we share. Just as we believe that character is more important than intellect, and connection is more important than content during Chandler-at-Home.
 
One Chandler parent wrote to her friends, “Don’t worry about the kids regressing. They are all in the same boat, and they will be OK. The teachers will course correct and meet them where they are when they’re back in school. Teachers are experts at this. When this is over, your kids’ mental health will be more important than their academic skills. And how they felt during this time will stay with them long after the memory of what they did while Chandler was closed.”
 
I will continue to host a Zoom meeting for K-8 parents every Thursday at 6:30 p.m., including the Thursday evening during Spring Break. I am adding a Storytime with Mr. Finch to the schedule every Wednesday at 7:00 p.m. for any student who wants to join me in a Zoom room. I will be working with librarian Stacey May to select some good stories. They will mainly be for our younger students, but if older students want to listen in, everyone is welcome. I will start this Wednesday and read every Wednesday, including the Wednesday of Spring Break.
 
Finally, I shared these self-care tips from the Council for Spiritual and Ethical Education with Chandler faculty and staff last week that you may find useful.
 
1. Be “active” not “passive” news consumers by turning off news alerts that pull attention and raise anxiety throughout the day.
2. Fear and anxiety turn on the part of the brain that diminishes reason and often causes us to assume the negative interpretation of e-mails and conversations. Take a moment to reflect: am I assuming the worst, being negative, or angry?
3. It is critical to stop for 5 -10 minutes each day and hit the “control-alt-delete” in your head.  
 
Take care and have a good week.
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