Head of School's Message: March 6

Psychotherapist Lynn Lyons spoke about dealing with anxiety to Chandler parents and teachers last week. 
She describes herself as a HOW therapist. She explains her approach on her website (lynnlyons.com), “Families often spend a great deal of time and money looking for answers to WHY questions. Why can’t my child go to school but is full of energy at home? Why is bedtime such a disaster in our house? Productive solutions and strategies result from asking HOW questions. How do I get my child to school? How do I get myself to do things that make me anxious but are important to my family and me?”

In presentations that were as entertaining as they were informative, she offered practical strategies to answer those kinds of questions. Everyone in attendance took something away from her talks. Here are my takeaways:
  1. Anxiety generally stems from overestimating the nature of a problem and underestimating what we can do about it.
  2. The pandemic kicked anxiety up a notch, but it was there before. The ‘anxiety business’ is hot right now. Parents and teachers must take responsibility and deal with it without wasting too much time identifying who or what is to blame for the increase.
  3. Adults contribute to the teen mental health crisis when they tell kids they are struggling but fail to do anything to help them. What we focus on, we amplify. When adults are afraid of kids’ feelings and avoid dealing with them, those feelings worsen. The result is ‘emotional hypochondria’ in young people.
  4. One helpful dinnertime activity is to ask, ‘What happened to you today that was unexpected, and how did you deal with it?’
  5. Manage anxiety in schools by building on students’ strengths. In an independent school culture of high achievement and perfectionism, kids can be taught skills that prevent anxiety from overwhelming them. Tolerating uncertainty can be a learned habit.
  6. Work with perfectionists to help them discern the difference between when they don’t have to do something thoroughly well and when they do. What has to be done with exactitude and what doesn’t? It’s the difference between cooking a souffle and cooking chili. Souffle requires lots of technique and skill, chili not so much.
  7. Kids get through unavoidably difficult situations with love, support and encouragement. A little anxiety and nervousness are normal but unaddressed they can be feeders for teen and adult depression. Adults need to be alert.
There was encouraging news in the latest issue of Education Week that teen morale and optimism are on the rise. A recent survey of one thousand 13 to 19-year-olds showed that making it through the pandemic led to increased optimism that they can cope with adversity. That’s a positive trend but not a reason to return to pre-pandemic norms. Chandler has prioritized well-being and mental health in our post-pandemic practices and as a key component in the school’s strategic plan. We want to make sure we take good care of your kids.

 
Sincerely,
John Finch, Head of School
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